Hazards of Outdoor Living

to this lovely scene of 4-6 new fluffy inches of the white stuff we call mana up here in God's Country! Keeps the snowmobilers happy and the resorts and casinos happier. Yes, Don, I think there's a Santa Claus and that's why I believe Al is doing his best to trick me into believing he's on a sunny beach somewhere in Nirvana. He knows how gullible I am and a sucker for a good tale! Chris

I sure wish you Warshentin boys would keep your storms out there! I seem to have collected "bout" a foot of your leftovers from last week! And this is on top of Al dreaming up Beach Parties and shrimp on the 'barbie' stints somewhere with a good sunlamp and photoshop..... Chris

...with the heat lamps, fake backdrops, photoshop, and some of those stock family photos that come with the picture frames. Here is the resulting slide show.

http://hosting.albroswift.com/maz1210

Picture el numero uno;There is a lovely lady waaay in the backround yet Al takes a picture of a beach side yard sale. Picture el numero two-o.A very tacky tree decorated with what looks like recycled road signs. Picturo three-o;Does Al not own a zoom lense? finally something with substance but its at three hundred yards.Now for picturo el four-o....hmmmmm is this what happens when Al doesn't buy his date the primo tequila? Can you imagine Al, for just a few peso's more she could have an inviting smile on her face.And now to the picture labelled el five-o; is this Al's cabana boy? And did Al pay him with what appears to be bread? I myself have never used photo shop, but I think I coulda done better.Where ever you really are Al,were here to help you.I'm sorry if my extensive use of spanish got carried away.

Looks like my post was a little late,I was commenting to the four pics you posted yesterday.I was wrong,you do know how to use photo shop.Al, I'm speaking for Chris and I when I say we're jealous. Looks like a great trip.Don

OK Nat Geo AL, we get the picture, all of them, and we're jealous! I won't say anything more that's derogatory , cept you should remember that beer makes your belly swell up! Don is equally subdued and we are once again your obedient servants and wonder when you'll be adopting us, hopefully before your next Nat Geo assignment . Were you really upside down on purpose or did you slip? That was you wasn't it or a standin or hang in? I suppose we should be thankful that you still like guns and hunting? Maybe next trip will be a pictorial of the "Bob" or some more exotic hunt. Ever Faithful, CHRIS

You mean thats what does it? Why does it say light on the bottle? I'll go back to Crown.Gotta go hang lights now.

that's just what the label on the bottle says, that don't mean that's what Al has in there! it's probably laced heavily with the fermented juice from the cacti family of fauna that is indiginous to that locale.That's if he was really there! Besides, light beer is just fuller of gas bubbles that bloat your belly so everyone knows you're a lite beer drinker! I would have thought Al would go the extra mile and do some fancy drinks like Shirley Temples or something just to show off to us! Chris

There, now we can get back to the macabre escapades of Wayward Don and his missing GPS unit. I should have been more specific when I said you should go find Al. I didn't mean for you to try to head all the way back to Warshintun and forget where you were originally supposed to be going. Now we've lost Al, you are nowhere near God's Country and my target is still buried under a foot or more of snow! Some guys just need to be steered in the proper direction and others just need more steering, you are one of the latter. No offense, Don, but your knack for getting sidetracked is better than Casey Jones on his best day! But then at least he had a track to stay on and you don't. I think I will have to draw a detailed topo map and send it to you via CP, that's carrier pidgeon and don't shoot the darn thing, they're expensive to replace when they're trained. I just need to know about where you think you are so I can send you the bird. When you figure everything out get back to me and I'll try to straighten everything out. Your Ole Pal, Chris

Sorry about that whole thing I sometimes get lost.When you asked for me to go in search of Al I thought you were joking.Then I could sense the urgency in your P.M.I then asked a neighbor here to loan me his GPS unit. I had to leave the sled as collateral.Hitched a ride with another trucker(swore never to do that again).I programmed the GPS with coordinates from the cabo wabo website and went with urgency.Never found Al or any of his entourage.Tried some special tequila flavored with a spice called PAY-OH-TEE.Wound up on a beach that claimed to be clothing optional yet it was only me that fit the desciption on that particular day.I wobbled across the border and headed back to my sled.I seemed to have headed off course just a bit but, no worse for the wear.Now my good man,may I impose a bit here.My current position is;N 33 48.596' W 117 55.152'Its a strange land here but everyone is so friendly! Oh, back to me imposing;could you please look up these coordinates and point me in the right direction.Thanks good buddy.

Well, according to those co-ordinates you are somewhere on a private driveway to somebodies house just East of Mission Viejo Ecologica, man, you is a long way from home in any direction and your only real hope is that someone there will take pity on your plight and point you in a more ameniable direction. You are pretty close to being in the desert with all the parched bones of those who went there before you! I surely don't think even my pidgeon could find you. I see, they made a movie out of your adventures, "Gullibles Travels". That's what happens when you take those holographic cactii buds! Don't be taking any other potions those "Little Putians" out there in LaLa Land offer you. You have enough trouble navigating in this dimension let alone traveling in another one! I will await further word from you. Your Pal, Chris

Well it's only 12-30-10 so it's not quite January yet but this looks suspiciously like a "January Thaw"! Noon, 38 degrees and it's precipitating liquid instead of Crystalline Persuasion stuff and it's a good thing, Don, that you're not on the ice right now or the big white boat with the orange stripe might be fishing your butt out of the drink! I guess you lucked out again being in the hot, dry desert instead of God's Country but then you seem to have a knack for fallin into it and comin out sweet smellin! I'll get back to you later. Your Ole Buddy, Chris

I am going out on a limb here and confiding in you about the internet girl who wanted to come visit and try out my target stand.... The one you haven't fixed yet.... Boy, I had to do a lot of talkin to keep her from gettin all mad at you!!!! I think she is mildly upset that she can't come up here and visit!!!!! You are goin to have to do a lot of fast talkin to make up for this... I put her off till next spring......

Put her off? Huh? Are you special??? you know, special???The target stand isn't up, I wonder what else isn't.....never mind. No matter what Chris, your still my friend you idiot. Oh, can I have her number? I think my gun is in her possesion as it were.

I thought she would get your attention, I really invited her to come stay and target practice etc. and she said sure,I just didn't tell you cause you get all fitty about this kind of stuff. She is really wantin to meet you, wants to see a handy man friend who isn't handy!!!!! I told her that!!!!! You have a lot of "splainin" to do Lucy!!!!!!!! Wish You were here cause she's gonna be here tomorrow!!!! I may have to get out and fix my target stand myself!!!! Your good Ole Budddy, Hee, Hee, Chris

Hey Long Lost Don: I see she sure scared you, no comments now hey!!!!!! I'm thinkin you'd better finish up in LaLa Land and get this target stand fixed or she is gonna nail your butt to a wall! That's if you ain't too scared to show up now that someone your own size is gonna take you down a notch or two. Your Ole Cheerful Buddy, Chris

Umm,Chris? After looking closely at the picture I noticed she looked familiar. You didn't give her my name did you? You see,she wanted to meet me cause she's my ex. She seems to think I'm a bit behind on support payments.The gun in her hands was my gun, I recognized that right off the bat.She also told me she had an allergy to leather obviously not! As for the support payments I never wanted or really liked the kids.Please tell me when she leaves and I'll head that way. Please watch yourself she's not the quiet subdued type she tries to portray. She wasn't driving my Mercedes was she? If so theres a bottle of Beam in the trunk under the spare and a Popeil's pocket fisherman next to it please try to get it for me. Yer bud, Don

Dandy Don: I cain't imagine why such a lady would want to be shed of you? Neither can I imagine why she would have taken your gun with when she left. She says that she had to send the kids after you to get the car back cause you owed her Daddy for it and she didn't want him to be mad. She said the kids aren't yourn anyway so no biggy. I just seem to have to be rehabing you at every turn. This all started over a little ole buck rubbin his horns on my tree and now I am running a half way house for errant wifes and lost handy mens! I swear, sometimes I must have a big red "S" on my forehead....... Oh, well, life is a blast ain't it!!!!! Write back when you get unlost, Your Ole Buddy, CHRIS

Hey ole buddy, did the ex leave yet? Been hanging out in the sun and thinkin of heading back your way. Just wanna make sure the old hag has left. She was unbearable to live with and am afraid she wants me back. After all,when we split it was her sister that took me in, seemed to cause a bit of a family feud. I am quite a catch. Her dad never said I owed him a thing for that piece of junk mercedes after all it was almost a year old when I got it. Thinking about going to the SCI convention on the way back. I'll pick you up somethin real nice there. Yer pal, Don

Long time ago. I told her you were out in the Cali desert and she headed that way. Good thing you're not there, she was lookin pretty determined when she left, in that cute little 500SL convertible, looked pretty new to me.... Yeah, I want a nice DGR, something nice looking, like a double sidelock in 470 Nitro or something, put it on your expense account tab and I'll pay you when you bring it here....... Yeah Right! Your Ole Buddy, Chris

....disappointed because my target is still not back up. I know you been havin some hard times an all, havin to take time out to go to the Super Bowl to watch the Packers win, but that just means you are going to have to work much harder to get things spruced up around here before the other neighbor gets here in the spring.

Yer Ole Pal, Chris

Damn, They make my ex look happy to see me. I do like seeing women with guns but the both of them kinda make me feel icky all over. Keep em away till I leave. I'm on my way.

Those looks are for you until they get a target back up to shoot at. One of the things I've learned over the years is that if you give a girl a gun and teach her to shoot there's no stopping her. Until you put my target back up they will be frowning like that, luckily I took their ammo away so they are just cleaning and oiling their weapons and waitng, PATIENTLY, for you. They really do have nice smiles, you'll see. Your Ole Pal, Chris

Ain't showin up till you promise me that they are gone. Besides thats God's country what the heck are they doin there? Are they from Detroit? or P.A.? Displaced factory workers no doubt. Now as for an update on me. As you know I was at SCI, I also was under the impression that a double rifle would be around the same cost as a side by side 12 guage by stoeger around 269.00. I WAS MISTAKEN. After the show one night I met a nice lad at a bar I shall not repeat the name of. It proclaimed to be a gentlemens club therefore I wandered in. It was there this familiar looking fellow said he had connections to tickets for the Superbowl. His name I never got but everyone reffered to him as "Pharv" he wasn't from one of those eastern European countries as he spoke perfect english.Boy man, everyone there knew him and it was a great experience to sit way up high in those private seats with the eats and drinks free! He mumbled alot about how it was he that got the team with the "G" on their shirts to where they are. I didn't listen too much to him. Just when I was going to ask if he was heading back to where that team came from he was gone.Never to be seen again.So, in short,Get rid of those women I'm on my way.

Don't even know how to spell it cause it's such a rare word up here. Yes, I told the ladies you was so scared of them, they smiled and said they would come back after you was gone. Such a scaredee cat Don....Your old bud at the big game must have been that old Norse guy who wore a purple shirt with a big 4 on it. They say he was too old anyway. So where did you get $50,000 for a double gun? You still owe me for all the advances on your allowance. Chris

Chris, Heres what I have learned about the double gun. A proper double starts at around 100,000 for an individual of your taste. It also must be fitted to you. This is similar to the times when you get fitted for an Armani or Versace. Therefore you must be present and or I could arrange to have them come to you. So back to the "wheres the gun" comment.There are so many things to take into consideration here, stock material-how about synthetic maybe. Sidelock or bottom lock? hammers? ejectors? ivory bead or the ever popular hi-vis fiber optics. engraving and checkering? so, when I get there I will offer my thoughts on the perfect double,for now though heres something to toss around. Double rifle synthetic stocks, stainless barrels and action,loud ejectors so you know they are working,hi-vis fiber optics(an absolute item) or scope? must have a sling they are quite heavy I've noticed, and heres something else I've tossed about; each barrel a different caliber 30.06 and .470 or .500? no checkering just elaborate carving, and lets not forget engraving and make it shiny so the sun catches it and all will notice its beauty. Maybe some sort of cartridge holder on the stock and fore end? Gold inlay on top of each barrel denoting the calibers side so as not to mess up.Let me know your thoughts and I'll get the ball rolling.Then again theres a book floating around out there that shows you how to build a double on a shotgun action.Not a bad plan. and what a money saver!See ya in a couple weeks.

I have been sampling the dew of the bog, or fen, or swamp, whatever they call those places where the old mummy fell in and became aged whiskey or "Scatch" as the Scots say..... tastes like peat moss to me, coarse and kind of harsh, some old timer told me it is an acquired taste, I think I acquired a dis-taste for it. Anyway, I think fiber optics are here to stay, I heard that all the PH's on the Dark Continent have been trying them with good results, they standout against the grey skin of the Elephant and the dark hide of the Cape beasts! I think a good option would be a lesser caliber in one barrel, like say a 8X64 for plains game and a heavy caliber like a 470 or 500 for the big critters. That would keep the weight down and still be a manageable rifle to lug around. That about what you were thinking? Chris

Exactly where I'm going, most all now are built with fiber optics its also cheaper than ivory and does show up much better after all it is the Dark Continent and the brighter sights the better.Finally were on the same track, just started to order that book about building a double from a shotgun action sounds good to me. Hell, lets build a few and sell em?

Local photographer Rick Gebhard caught this pic of one of your old girlfriends out by the cement block factory. She's pretty foxy I guess. Your Ole Pal Chris

Chris, Nice try, thats Butch(he's a male). But that is a cool picture. Fox are funny to watch, alot like cats. While on a trip to northern Alberta you could sit 20 yards from your truck and the foxes would walk up and wiz (chris, that means urinate)on your tires. 20 yards from them, they'd walk up, look at you and let er rip. Balsy bastards. Too bad it was a spring bear hunt and the fox were starting to look scroungy.

You are so like Wrong Way Corrigan! I guess I should have known you would go the wrong direction on this post, I didn't mention "Butch" since I wasn't sure which way you were going. I used "Foxy" because that can be either or.... you have such a proclivity for going the wrong direction I just know you'll be lost on this one by your next post.. don't worry, I'll still be your Ole Pal Chris wherever you end up.

Don, what would you use for these? Would they make a nice mount like that? Chris

P.S. I couldn't find any pretty women for you so these pussycats have to do for now.

One problem, theres two of em. Bad news, the one walking looks to be a male. Use anything that'll expand and disconnect the pump station. Probably what I would do is tell the wife that I need a new gun for this hunt. I would buy something new and then use my trusty .375 with the Barnes TSX that works so well. Or my .338. Problem may be the unshot cat,in which case you would leave that to your well paid PH. One thing for sure is that the sun is going down, therefore it is time soon for a "sundowner". Shoot and pour. Very simple really.

........I should let GWH shoot number two instead of you? You are so gracious! I figured on using my Ruger 204 on these kitties, I thought they were thin skinned varmint types, not right, hey? OK I guess I could go with my Rem 700 375 and mess the hides up terribly. Chris

I have shot many small animals with the .375 and the aforementioned bullets with no excessive damage.I shot a 20 pound steenbok and it was very mountable. Matter of fact someday I'll post pics of the mount.That bullet doesn't even start to open on the thin skinned stuff almost like using a solid.And if you do mess it up there are a few highly paid, highly talented Taxidermists that can help you.However, if you choose the 204 be sure to use a Jennings .25 auto as back up. And if that is the way you do it have the sundowner first, it'll probably be your last.

Thanks Don, I would have been going off half-cocked after those kitties and not knowing what I was in for. So I shouldn't worry how much I damage the hide, I think then I'll go with the 600 Nitro Express just to make sure the beasts don't move after I shoot. If I use that nice double I can get one with each barrel maybe. What do you think? I am surely being facitious here I think. Your old Pal Chris

It happens all the time.A 600 nitro will leave them in good shape for the trophy room. If you wait till they lay next to eachother and sort of shoot with the guns barrels at an angle, you know, like your shooting ducks.With each barrel on each cat it will work. I did it with elephants back in 58. Good luck,

I knew I could count on you for sound advice, I was a bit worried about the recoil throwing off the second shot and had even considered pulling both triggers at the same time as I held the gun sideways so each barrel was on a cat, now I see how to do it more effectively. Thanks, Your Ole Pal, Chris

Ok, looks like some new tools also!
Wow,paragraphs too! Lookin good Al........ I will have to play a bit to get used to this. Chris

Well, it appears that Don has gone off and gotten hisself lost again!! I don't know if he's on safari or just cruising around the NW territories lookin in weird places for excitement. I didn't think those leopards would get to him that bad. I suppose I will have to track him down before he gets in trouble again. Chris

...removing the "DANG IMAGE PICKER", followed by adding the "ADD IMAGE"  module, followed by removing the "ADD IMAGE" module and replacing it with the "WYSIWYG" module, followed by moving to the new server, took the poor lad out.
 
Just my opinion, I could be wrong.  

I do think you could be correct Al, that poor ole Don was havin trouble with the pics before so he's really lost now.

He's like all lost in a sea of Lake Michigan Glass!
That's really neat, hey...... Chris
 

Sorry you havent heard from me lately. On the way back to help Chris I found an amazing business opportunity. And as you all may know I am quite a businessman. I have been a little low on capital of late and that has hindered any forward financial progression. Until now! I just signed an incredible deal to purchase all the existing Photomats in the U.S. For those of you that are uneducated this is where you drive up and leave your roll of film to be developed. I, inturn send the film out for development. I basically do nothing but take in rolls of film and give back pictures. Business has been a bit sluggish in the past month but alot of people look and point so I know they see the new drive up window. I am hoping to hire some help as I need it and will then break away to head back and help Chris. By the way, I am running a promotion right now, 3 rolls of 24 or 36 exposure for the price of two.

....hear the old adage, "there's one born every minute" which I think was P.T. Barnum, maybe wrong, however, it seems appropriate to your most recent endeavor Don. I think that the delay between dropping off the film rolls and getting the pics back in the mail will be the decisive factor in how well your venture does. Oh, that, and the fact that everything is digital now maybe is a slight drawback, but with all your positive efforts I'm certain you'll do as well in this new investment as you do in your travels around the country. As usual, I'll be holding my breath waiting. Your Ole Pal, Chris

Could you bring some spring weather PLEASE, Don.

This extra 4-6 inches is not needed anymore. Chris

My target has disappeared again.
 

It juist keeps fallin from the sky! Typical Upper Peninsula snow, starts in the morning, 3-4 inches now, 3PM 8-10 inches and still coming down. Go figure hey!

Don, I know you love snow but this is a bit much.
 

A couple posts  back you mentioned the word "digital". I have heard that alot with my new business. Seems film is on the way out and I'll have to learn how to develop "digital" in order to compete. This technology does move fast and I find it hard to keep up sometimes. I may try to sell this operation and recoup a bit of money and head back your way. Maybe an esspresso stand? do they have those in your town yet? Taco stand, drive through pasties?

Well now, that depends on what you mean by pasties..... Let's get this pronunciation thing straight first.... a pastie, pronounced "Paste-Tee",  is a device used by some female dancers in various establishments to cover some of their upper body parts. Also there is the Irish pastie, pronounced "Past-Tee (often confused with the real pasty  ("past-Tee"), which is a kind of sandwich made by putting a meat/vegetable filling in a batter (looking like a ball) and cooking it and then serving with chips (potatoes in the UK). This is a very localized dish that is rarely seen outside of Ireland. A pasty, pronounced "Past-Tee", is a delicious hand sized meat pie that was supposed to have originated in the mines of Cornwall (UK) and brought to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan (and Minnesota) by the Cornish miners who toiled in the iron and copper mines in days of old. Their wives would make the pasty with meat cubes (or ground meat), potatoes, rutabegas, onions and a delicious pie-like crust. The pasty crust would be folded over the uncooked filling and baked so the finished pie looked like half a small pie, just big enough to fill a man's hand. It would fit nicely into a miners lunch pail and is good cold or hot. If you are implying you have the culinary skills to make a pasty you may be onto something, however, if you plan on just making little(?) circles of adhesive backed material to supply the afore mentioned women, that is probably not a real lucretive area for expansion (?) up here. I guess it depends on how "hands-on' you intend to be with this new venture... No Pun Intended..... yeah right.....making a good pasty (past-tee) is almost an art as a lot of individual care goes into making them. I don't know how much skill is required to cut out little circles. I hope this has enlightend you as to what venture you may be considering. As always, Your Ole Pal, Chris

Cornish Pasty

Irish Pastie Dinner
I have a picture of a woman wearing pasties but I hesitate to post it because Al will kick me off the forum and this is a serious site!!!!!
 

I found the ultimate gun at the ultimate price. Too good to be true? I think not. I just swam across the road to my mail box where I found a Cabelas ad. And there it was...a Sabatti double rifle in .45/70 or 9.34x74. It comes with scope rings and FIBER OPTIC sights. All for 2800.00. I'm going to get mine tomorrow. Can you imagine showing up in Africa and pulling that out? All the jealousy and the talking behind your back. I just can't make up my mind as to which caliber?

I'm certainly glad to see that you're putting the funds that I sent you to good use! I am also glad you didn't buy that old Selous 4 bore you were looking at a while back. A 4 bore would definitely down some big bruisers but that 25-30 pounds would be awful tiresome at the end of the day. I think 9.34X74 would be ideal for the smallish animals you would be hunting, but here's a thought, if you get the 45-70 you could recut the chambers for something like the sharps 45-120x4 inch or there abouts and have a really good buffalo gun. Does that thing have the new fiber optics that automatically change colors as the light levels change? Kind of like a stoplight-Red-Green-Yellow. Green means shoot. I heard those are the best for your kind of hunting. Let me know what you get. Your Ole Pal, Chris